Questions to ask your aging parents, with a printable checklist

Updated 1 November 2026 · 4 min read

Most families wait for a crisis before they ask the questions that would have made it easier. Asking early, calmly and without a plan to take over, makes it more likely that your parent's own wishes guide what happens. This checklist gives you the questions, grouped by theme, and some ways to start.

You do not need to ask everything in one sitting. Pick one theme, listen more than you speak, and write down the answers somewhere the family can find them. Your parent does not have to share every detail. The US National Institute on Aging (NIA) notes that someone who prepares their papers does not need to disclose the details of their affairs, only where the papers can be found.

How to start the conversation

Choose a calm moment, not a hospital corridor or an argument. The NIA suggests setting up a meeting or call that includes the older person and everyone who will be involved in their care, and says it goes better before an emergency.
Ask for their view first. “If things got harder, what would matter most to you?” opens more doors than “We need to talk about your care.”
Say why. “I want to be sure we do what you would want” is easier to hear than “We need your paperwork.”
Take it in small steps. One topic a visit is fine. Come back to it.
Write it down together, and agree who will keep the notes.

Questions about what matters to them

Where do you want to live as you get older, and what would make that possible?
What matters most to you day to day? What would you hate to give up?
Who do you want involved in decisions, and who would you rather keep out of them?
Is there anything you are worried about that you have not told us?
What would help most right now, and what would you refuse?

Questions about health and medicines

The NIA advises that every medicine, vitamin, supplement and herbal remedy be known to the person's health providers, and that a list with the name, dose and schedule be brought to appointments.

Which doctors, specialists and clinics do you see, and how do we reach them?
What medicines and supplements do you take, and can we see the list?
Which pharmacy do you use?
Do you have any allergies we should know about?
Are you comfortable with us coming to appointments? Would you sign the practice's consent form so we can speak to your doctor?

The NIA notes that most doctors' offices and hospitals have a consent form, sometimes called a HIPAA release, that says who may see a person's private health information.

Questions about paperwork and wishes

The NIA describes advance directives, which include a living will (the treatments a person would or would not want) and a durable power of attorney for health care that names a health care proxy. It also lists estate and financial papers such as a will and a durable power of attorney for finances. Names and rules differ by country and state, so ask a lawyer, solicitor or local aged-care service about what applies to you.

Do you have a will, and where is it kept?
Have you named someone to make health decisions or manage money if you cannot? Who?
Do you have a living will or care directive, and who has a copy?
Where are your important papers, and who knows where they are?
When were these last reviewed? (The NIA suggests at least once each year and after any major life event.)

Questions about money and bills

You do not need the numbers. You need to know where things are and who to call.

Which banks and accounts do you have, and who could help if you were unwell?
How are the regular bills paid?
Which insurance policies and benefits do you have, and where are the cards kept?
Is there anything you would like a professional to look at?

Questions about home and safety

Is the home still easy and safe to get around? Is anything getting harder?
Who is nearby that you trust, and who has a spare key?
What would you like us to do in an emergency, and who should we call first?
Would you like an emergency information sheet by the door? You can make one with our free emergency information sheet builder.

After the conversation

Write down what you heard, using your parent's own words where you can, and share it with the people involved.
Check what was said with your parent. Ask whether you have understood correctly.
Put the practical details in one place, such as a caregiving notebook or a shared record. See the care documents checklist.
Agree who does what. See how to share caregiving with your siblings.
Come back to it. Wishes and health change, so plan to revisit.

If your parent does not want to talk, that is their right. Try again later, ask a trusted friend, clergy member or their doctor to help, and keep offering practical help in the meantime.

Share the work with your care circle

Kinship Guard gives the answers a home: documents, medicines, contacts and notes in one private circle your family can all read.

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Sources

Getting Your Affairs in Order Checklist: Documents to Prepare for the Future · National Institute on Aging, NIH, content reviewed 1 February 2023
Sharing Caregiving Responsibilities · National Institute on Aging, NIH, content reviewed 12 October 2023
Taking Someone to a Doctor's Appointment: Tips for Caregivers · National Institute on Aging, NIH, content reviewed 12 October 2023
Taking Medicines Safely as You Age · National Institute on Aging, NIH, content reviewed 22 September 2022

Facts about health, law and services in this guide are paraphrased from these pages, read on 1 November 2026. Where a source describes one country's rules, check your own country's official service.

This guide is general information. It is not medical, legal or financial advice. Rules and services differ by country and state, so check with a qualified professional about your situation.